This was originally posted on https://www.essence.com/love/relationships/professional-matchmakers-asked-black-men-about-their-dating-pet-peeves/ along with the image used.
It’s amazing to see how men and women view relationships so differently. As relationship experts and certified matchmakers, we get so many questions from women about what men really think and why they behave certain ways. Life would be so much easier if we could just implant a chip and download their thoughts, but unfortunately, we can’t. Therefore, decided to go at it a different way. Every now and then, we have to see things from the other side. Why not tap into the minds of men and get an understanding of how they think?
We anonymous surveyed 5 men of various ages and backgrounds about their chief dating complaints. Our hope is to see if there is any validity in what turns men on and off in a relationship. If we’re honest, let’s see if it’s applicable to us. If you feel offputting behaviors apply to you, there’s an opportunity for you to course-correct and turn that negative into a positive. Get ready ladies, because these men were raw and honest.
Here’s what they had to say:
Don’t change once we become exclusive.
Cropped shot of a man and woman compassionately holding hands at a table
“The dating period is a time for evaluation. It’s a chance for us to get to know each other and decide whether or not we want to take the relationship to another level. If you were okay with me hanging out with my boys periodically, enjoyed physical fitness and cooking meals, and kept yourself well-primped throughout the dating period, don’t change those things once we become exclusive. Continue to do the things that made me want to elevate our relationship in the first place.” – Executive, 44
Having expectations you don’t meet yourself.
“I get discouraged a lot when I hear women say what they are looking for, but not truly meaning it. You want a business owner, you want a go-getter – but get upset when he is working to go get it! You want someone who is financially stable, but your spending habits are terrible. Know that if you want a business owner, you may have to bring dinner to the office because true business owners work late hours. The buck stops with them. They don’t have time to do 3 dinner dates a week, because they are trying to build an empire. If you want someone financially stable, understand he may have a budget that doesn’t include expensive shoes and bags. ‘Quick money screams, real wealth whispers.”’ Are you ok with having more money, but not looking like it? Understand that all relationships evolve and people do their best to make time and changes for the ones they love. However, really understand the things that you’re looking for. Success in any form can’t come without sacrifice. ” – Entrepreneur, 40
Having parameters around sex – especially if you want it, too!
“Sex should not be a reward in a relationship. Not saying that if you’re not in the mood it isn’t valid (it is!) However, if it’s a simple argument or misunderstanding that you know is not a deal-breaker, don’t lay on the other side of the bed or in the other room when you know sex has nothing to do with the issue. Let’s have sex and then roll over or go to the other room. Then at least we both can rest and tackle the issue in a clear mind.” – Healthcare professional, 49
Letting social media control your expectations.
“I hate the constant need to be seen and trying to live up to celebrity relationships instead of building one. I understand that everyone wants to be noticed, but I feel as though women have taken that to another level with social media being their biggest influences. From the outfits they wear to the way they dance and let everyone see what should be only seen in intimate settings.” – 31, program coordinator.
Dependency without support
“I believe my biggest complaint would be dependency [displayed by women I’ve dated]. Traditionally, men assume the role of the provider. Although this isn’t an issue, it becomes one when I become a sole provider in a relationship only for purposes of living up to expectations of social media. This includes lavish vacations, expensive dinners and other things they like to post for the world to enjoy. That in and of itself is not a problem. However, if it’s expected for us to live this lifestyle, plan to support me and see how you can help so we can feel like we’ve arrived together.”
Well ladies, there you have it! We’ve heard what their complaints are. Can you honestly relate to any of these? Feel free to share your comments and then let’s see what the women have to say next. We will conclude this series with our advice to help spread more love and better communication so we can better meet each other’s needs and expectations. Here’s to LOVE!
Fisher Gilmore Matchmaking is an exclusive agency of “heart hunters” led by The Matchmaking DUO (Kelli Fisher & Tana Gilmore). They provide matchmaking services personally designed to accommodate busy, successful professionals who are seeking long-term love. They pride themselves on giving their clients a lot of what they want, and even more of what they need. For more advice from them visit their site or follow them on Facebook or Twitter.
The post Professional Matchmakers Asked Black Men About Their Dating Pet Peeves appeared first on Essence.
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